greener on the other end.

work has kept my busy lately.
just recieved my performace apprasial for my first ever talk held at xx sec, where i held a one hour talk with a group of 100+ sec 2 students.

a total nerve wrecking experience, and i was still unable to overcome my stage fright.


sara and jeff sat me down and talked me through the things that i am doing well vs the things that i need to take note of and work on.
a 2:8 ratio, sadly.

i looked at the list of things that i need to work on and laughed (bitterly) to myself.
some of things mentioned were exactly how i was like when i was in my poly days- assertive, quick to think on my feet, confident.


due to various circumstances, i toned down some of what i was and lost some of what i was along the way.
i became way softer, less assertive, and less confident.
now, i need to embark on this long long long journey to find myself back again.


sometimes i feel a little sad that i have to rely on the net to keep myself updated on whatever is happening to my friends.

to name 2 out of the many which i feel really happy and proud of:

kexin, for doing well and enjoying and what she loves.
went down to support her at UCC yesterday, and i really enjoyed the restage of treat her like a lady. (:

suanhwee, for choosing the unconventional path of design and holding true to her passion.
graduation will always just be the starting point of the tough roads ahead.
but remember, you went through so much to be where you are now- the endless nights, the politics, so on.
the view may seem blurry, but let your heart and your love for fashion design carry you through.
and you know that if you need any help, we are here. (:

at the same time, i feel really green of people who are having so much fun with their campus life.
the orientation camps, the opportunity to be able to stay in hall and to go overseas for exchange trips, havings tons of fun at ccas, going for holidays as and when, partying like there's no tomorrow during term breaks, etc.

some may say, "I'd rather be in your shoes. At least you are financially independant and earning your own keeps now".

yes i know, the grass is always greener on the other side.
but when im living a life different from the majority of my dragon babies, i cant help but grow a longer neck and peep at the 'greener side'.