i didn't love you so as to leave you.

9 out of 10 times,
a child cries out for his parents' attention not because he needed help but because he just needed attention.

so here's my side of the story (and some things about me):

the canning incident when i was 9 left a deep scar in me.
hence, ive stopped placing studies as my priorities since i was 13 cos no matter how well i do, i never do get recognised.
being young, i didn't know how to deal with the hurt within me and i grew up to never really placing studies as my priorities.

went through the system placing more emphasis on out of classroom activities, missing lessons and coming out as a B student.
but ive never regretted.
bcos if you were to ask me to trade my CO or hockey experiences for better grades, i would still choose the path that i've taken -be a B student who can look back at the invaluable out of classroom lessons and stories that she created or took part in.

at least next time i can proudly tell my children that i didn't leave people behind because they couldn't help me with my grades and flock to people who could.

however, im sure now that everyone has grown up and went different paths, we'd just laugh at how silly we were to actually did what we did.
maybe for those who ended up in their non-first choice together, they might have realised there was simply no need to show how ugly they were.

i have nothing personal against anybody now becuase ive long embraced the fact that people have different priorities in life.
there's no right or wrong, it's just different school of thoughts.

just like how a musician doesn't mind living from hand to mouth in exchange for being able to carry out his passion as a profession,
or how a brand concious lady can never give up her high income job to fund her high flying lifestyle.

the musician might never understand how the lady can lead a life with a $_$ face and brain while the lady will think of the musician as "Siao ah! No money to even feed yourself well, still talk big about passion!"

put these two people together you will get free fires and sparks but a quarrel or disagreement does not have to mean that it's someone's fault.

when people have different priorities, it's no one's fault.
it takes one to know the other.
i can never be in your shoes because i am never like you, and i have ALWAYS admired you for being focused.

so i just gotta remind myself that while i feel totally mindfucked currently, i guess i just gotta calm down and remember that i was, and still am, deeply attracted to how focused you are in realising your goals and try my best to be understanding.

meanwhile, i will be a big girl and learn to deal with my problems by myself.