i dont know how much longer i can hang in there before i crash.
i dont want to cross over and give in to those dark thoughts and images that are creeping into my head unknowingly.


i dont know who to turn to anymore, and neither do i know how to get all these out.
i dont know how much longer i can supress this, or how long more do i have to pretend that this is not hurting me real bad.


the saddest thing is, it doesnt make a difference even if i do show that it hurts me real bad.
wait. correction. there is a difference.
they push the blade even further into my heart, my exposed heart.


i know this entry is dark, and it's not like the usual me.
just let me be.
i dont want to hear those"why dont you try talking to your mom nicely? im sure there's a way out" lines anymore.
i know you guys care. but im sorry, im sick of those lines.
i would have tried that years ago if it works.


just let me be.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i really wanna scream.
i wanna confront people.
i want to tell them to stop using words and/or actions to mess with my head, or my heart for that matter.
then i took a step back and realised i dont know what i want out of the confrontations.
so why bother making things more complicated then they already are since im pretty much enjoying my own life anyway (minus the family part) ?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my dearest no 1,
i hope you've landed safely in the fashion capital now!
enjoy your one month of holiday and studies over there and bring us back stories and photos ok! (:
*coughs* presents too i hope! :p