running emotions.

i looked at her and i looked at him.. and i wished i wasn't there at all.


i was really happy when my mom sat down and watch tian sun ye ye with me.
i esp. liked to catch this hk serial drama at 11.40pm everyday.
not because it has a very attractive storyline or that the actors have superb acting skills, ( but it has alex fang inside though =p ) but because it relates to what i've always yearned for.



so i was exceptionally happy when my mom started sitting down with me to catch the show every night.
yesterday, it was featuring how the tyrant dad was trying to make amends to his sons after he realised that he had abused "his head-of-household" authority.
and ironically, my mom was laughing herself silly over the dad's tyranical & apologising methods.

when i tried hinting to her of how similiar she actually is to the character in the show and how the character in the show is willing to make amends, i immediately regreted that decision of mine.
should have known better, shouldn't i?
afterall, i've already spent eighteen years playing the piano to a creature which moos and retorts hurting remarks.





the guys and michelle came up to my house to dine after clementi ssc last night and spent another hour depleting my chocos and custard and repairing my com. =p
in case any SI ppl comes here, i'm jokking about the depleting part.
was actually feeling so paiseh that i had nothing much to offer them except for the custards and choco.

and i had loads of fun during the lesson with the SI peeps.
randall was, as usual, promoting how blur i am to the rest.
and of course michelle wouldn't let that incident i had with kaiwee slip.
bahs. they bully me! :(
which explains why i was crowned the blur and slow queen by all of them :(


looking at him ( i dunno his name :x ), i feel inferior and shamed.
but i guess what i need to do now is to put aside that barrier within me and eavesdrop coaching methods! :X
i've still got so much more to go. :)




i guess my healthy lifestyle will resume when school resumes cos i'll be consuming plain water from my bottle everyday.
did my calculations the other day- 16 nights at PP on a monthly basis will be able to cover my basic allowance, transportation fees and about $100 for myself to spend and save.
so consuming plain water on a daily basis not only keeps me healthy, it helps to save money too. :)




and digressing a little, i'm always amazed at how much i've changed and grown whenever i look back.
and if, given a chance, i will definitely not chose nanhua to be the insitution for me to comlete my four years of secondary education.
it is so stagnant that i could hardly survive in the rocky sea out there when i swamed further out.


people say things happen for a reason and that life has it's own arrangements.
i certainly do believe so.
perhaps certain things may not turn out as you want them to be.
but believe me, life has it's own arrangements. :)

i was really really happy when i entered SA- my dream school.
there, i opened up to a brand new culture.
i played away my 1st three months and often got into trouble with my mom for my late nights.

and then, the bomb dropped last march and ended my SA days.
i was rather upset over my O's cos it didn't turn out the way i wanted my L1r5 to be.
but this disappointment lead me to another path which i never dreamt of.

i sorted out my thoughts and decided to chose to stay on in pj.
there, i went through things which shaped me and allowed me to see who were those who really cared.
and i soon became really good friends with the person who always stood by me through it all- my hockey stuffs, my family probs, my SI days, stress from school etc.
and as many guessed, he became my boyfriend on 25sept05.
it's gonna be the half year anni for us soon.
i can't help but let out this little "wow!" at how time just flies.
i'm blessed, no doubt. :)


it was only till mid aug that i started to settle down in pj.
perhaps i should have never joined hockey, or perhaps i should have never worked at SI during june and july.
if i didn't take up this two, i would probably still be killing my brain cells in pj, but i would have never found the direction in my life and became the girl that i am today.

it takes a lot of courage to give up on something that majority of the people supports and thread on the path that the minority supports.
and for that, i'm can proudly say that i am proud of myself and the decisions that i made.
letting go of the prestige of sajc and letting go of the 'better and shorter path to uni and pursuing my own goals, from the scratch.


school's starting in a month's time.
fuel me, cos i want to smile and cry at the end of these three years. :)





meanwhile, dear old sky ah, please drop me money and allow me to pamper myself with kbox, catching up and suntanning sessions with the girls i so dearly missed. :(







hmmm. it's been a really long entry.
i wonder how many souls out there survived those lengthy paragraphs and i don't know what made me type so much either.